Discipleship Amidst Doubt
Why those walking through doubt and deconstruction provide a great discipleship moment for the church
National Forest just outside of Bend, Oregon
I’ll begin with my hypothesis: People experiencing spiritual doubt or deconstruction provide a great opportunity for the American church to re-examine its practices of discipleship—namely its tendency towards mass production.
I would imagine that anyone who has been a Christian for some amount of time has experienced doubts regarding the truthfulness of at least some of Christianity’s claims—the creation of the universe, the divinity of Jesus, or the resurrection of the dead, for example. They are, after all, fantastical in many respect. If true, Christianity provides a story that explains all of creation, but if it is false, then it is—at best—a moral system. Even then, its usefulness as a moral system would be questionable. If Jesus was not God in flesh, then what possible good would it do for us to love our enemies or forgive those who have wronged us? To be honest, if Jesus did not rise from the dead, it makes little sense for anyone to follow the moral teachings of Jesus, much less rely on him for salvation and eternal life.
I speak from some experience. When I was in my twenties, I worked towards two graduate degrees in religion, specially focusing on becoming a pastor and theologian. I succeeded in becoming a pastor. Time will tell if I ever succeed in becoming a theologian. As I entered my first graduate degree, I moved from working at a small café in West Texas and entering into my first pastorate. I was twenty-two years old at the time. My church was quite small. I believe there were thirty-two congregants in attendance on my first Sunday. For someone who both loved pastoring people and having time to read, it was an exhilarating season of life. I read theological and philosophical texts with all the gusto of a young man living alone in a trailer on the plains.
My intellectual world grew by leaps and bounds daily. And so did my doubts.
The more that I read academic approaches to the Bible and theology, the more I discovered a variety of interpretive strategies regarding the Scriptures. I soon discovered that many of the leading voices in biblical studies employed a “hermeneutic of suspicion,” simply meaning that they approached the Bible assuming that much of it was mythological or edited for a later audience or had no grounding in history. The more that I read such scholars, the more I underwent what some us in my program joking referred to as “the birth pangs of Enlightenment.” I not only knew the Bible, but I also knew all of the arguments against it.
Most Sundays I would climb the steps of our church platform and stand behind the pulpit, preaching with certainty on my lips, but burgeoning doubt in my heart. I remember wrestling mightily with God. I would sit at my desk in prayer, crying out to God to make Himself real to me, simultaneously wondering if I was simply engaging in self-talk. My faith was in a bit of a blender, and I knew it.
To make matters more complicated: I was a pastor. I couldn’t very well visit about my doubts with another church member. How would they receive their pastor asking questions about the nature of the very gospel he preached each week?
I felt increasingly isolated and afraid. I assumed the worst about the future of my faith and my decision to become a pastor.
It was then that God answered my prayers. He showed Himself to be real to me in two ways. One of those revelations was supernatural and intensely personal. I am happy to share it, but it is not relevant for our discussion today. The other way, however, was just as important in bringing me through the doldrums of doubt.
God answered my prayer in the form of a friend. More accurately, God gave me a mentor.
My mentor was not part of my official studies, although he had completed the same course of study years prior. He was a seasoned pastor who had gone through his own season of “Enlightenment.” He walked with a vibrant faith, but he did not possess a know-nothing fundamentalism, acting as if some of the deeper questions of the faith did not exist.
He could tell I was struggling, and out of love, he talked me through many of my questions. We spoke on the phone for long stretches of time. He was hours away, but willing to be patient with me. I would ask a question, and instead of giving me a pat answer, he would regularly send me on a course of study. He gave me books to read. He gave me new ways to approach passages of Scripture. And he did this with familiarity of a guide who had previously walked this path and the love of, well, a pastor.
By now you have gathered that his patient process brought me through my season of doubt. I emerged with a faith that was stronger, less concerned with certain things (the age of the Earth, for example), more concerned with other things (the Resurrection of Jesus, for example), and more vibrant than before. And while occasional questions have popped up in the almost thirty years since then, I can truthfully say that I’ve enjoyed a living walk with God since then.
This short biographical anecdote leads me back to the church of today.
Doubt (and its theological cousin of deconstruction) are not new. The difference, however, is in how we handle them. I see a great number of church leaders speaking of deconstruction and doubt as if they are impossible to overcome or as if they are evil in and of themselves. As you’ve probably surmised, I see things a bit differently. To that end, I’d like to share a few lessons I learned in my own experience of doubt and in my pastoral ministry over the last few decades:
Doubt is usually born of spiritual curiosity—and that’s a good thing. Rather than viewing someone who is experiencing spiritual doubt as a problem, I’ve discovered that I likely have someone who has given a great deal of time to Bible study and understanding the things of God. People who have questions usually have come to those because they have done a great deal of thinking about the things of the faith. Many of them are leaders—or future leaders—because of the work that they have done. If you talk to someone who is experiencing spiritual doubt, be encouraged; you’re likely talking to someone who loves God enough to examine the faith closely.
All truth is God’s truth. One of the best things I learned along my own path and the path of walking with others through this process is that I didn’t need to be afraid of the truth. Augustine (I believe) said that, “All truth is God’s truth.” the Bible reminds us that Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” God is not afraid of our examinations nor our questions. To the contrary, I came to discover that He welcomes questions and doubts, because with proper examination, we will discover the deeper truths of the faith. Like a good detective, you go where the evidence leads, and I believe that the evidence will take you back to a Resurrected Jesus and His gospel.
We expect too much from mass-produced discipleship programs. Mass-produced discipleship programs are a necessity for any church that is growing or has any amount of size, simply for the sake of scalability. I do not think that such programs are bad or wrong or evil. I simply believe that we ask too much of them. I think that the best discipleship programs (I am thinking here of classes, small groups, etc.) are able to teach the Bible and theology to a general audience and to create some relationships. They are not, however, usually able to directly address specific questions, particularly questions of doubt. This is because such questions are usually limited to an individual or a very small group within a larger context, and the teacher/leader only has a limited amount of time to address such concerns. In the best circumstances a leader/teacher will seek out the doubter/questioner outside of class, but this not always possible. In short, we need another space for questions to be addressed.
Most churches are not designed for questions or questioners. I’ve touched on this a bit in #3, but to go a bit further: most curriculum and discussions are for the more common needs and issues within a church. Doubt/deconstruction is not usually among such a list. It is not that most churches fear questions. (I am sure some do, but most pastors I know have no issue with questions.) Instead, they simply do not have time in the normal rhythm of offerings to address such individual issues.
Those navigating doubt need an individual mentor or guide. I think the best possible outcome is for those walking through doubts to have someone who has previously navigated doubts to meet with him/her and show the path towards a faith that is able to make room for doubts and questions and, ideally, provide strong answers. In the church where I most recently served, we had a mentorship program for those new to the faith, for parents, for couples, for those needing financial counsel, etc. Full confession: Mentorship programs are robust and take a bit to develop, but I think those walking through doubts and questions would have the best chance of holding on to their faith if they had someone who would meet with them individually for a time and talk through issues/questions/doubts.
Such mentorship will require listening and individually tailored responses rather than a pre-made curriculum. There are any number of resources or books that a potential mentor can utilize, but I genuinely believe that each person that walks through doubt will have a somewhat unique journey that is part theology, part biography, and part current situation. This will require mentors who are not only wise and mature, but will also require mentors who have a breadth of knowledge and experience when unexpected questions arise. It will be best (I believe) if such mentors are able to visit with a pastor as the relationship develops.
Mentored questioners emerge on the other side of doubt with a stronger faith. I’ve mentioned how this time of doubt resulted in my own faith becoming stronger. But I’ve also had the opportunity to see this result in a number of other friends and church members over the years. In fact, I’d argue that those who go through a period of doubt and emerge with his or her faith intact have a deeper appreciation of Scripture, theology, and the gospel than many others. In the same way that suffering produces deeper roots, here is something about walking through this intellectual valley that results in depth, as well.